Over the years, I have observed the power of suggestion. Stop for a moment to consider the power of words as one method of conveying suggestions. Using words, a politician conveys an agenda. Using words, a salesperson sells goods. Using words, a teacher teaches. Using words thoughts are imparted from one person to another or from one generation to another. There are words that make us laugh and words that make us cry; words that bless, and words that condemn; and words that wound; and words that heal.
Some people respond better to direct (literal) suggestions, while others respond best to indirect (inferred) suggestions. Most of us can respond to both direct and indirect suggestions but generally we have an underlying (subconscious) preference for one or the other.
Being aware of a person’s suggestibility and sculpting your communication to be congruent with their communication uptake profile is essential to achieving the best results in all manners of communication.
Our suggestibility typically comes for our primary care giver. Most often, this is our mother. If the child experiences his or her mother saying what she means and meaning what she says, he or she will usually be more responsive to direct suggestions. If the verbal or non-verbal aspects of her communication do not reflect consistency, the child begins to search for the real meaning. He or she begins to look for the implied meaning, rather than what was actually said.
An interesting aspect of our suggestibility is that there is a tendency for a person who hears literally (directly) to speak indirectly (inferentially) and for the person who hears indirectly to speak directly (literally). I have observed this through communication with my wife, who likes the room temperature warmer than I do. She may ask, “Does it seem warm to you?” For many years, I would say, “No.” In a short time, she would seem, without explanation, to be a bit feisty towards me. I would ask, “What’s the matter?” She would respond, “Nothing!” I would say, “You seem to be upset about something. What is the matter?” She would respond, “You know.” I would say, “No, I do not know.” After we went through that ‘dance’ for a while, she would say, “I asked you to turn the air conditioner cooler, and you didn’t do it.”
I finally came to understand that my wife’s questions were really requests. Now when she asks, “Does it seem warm to you?” I respond, “No, but if you would like the air conditioner temperature to be cooler, I will be glad to adjust it.”
All one needs to do is to look at how suggestibility is used in advertising, where the objective is to catch the attention of everyone. In all forms of advertising, you will find both literal and inferential messages about the benefits of purchasing a product all in the same advertisement.
In terms of communication between couples, the words “I love you” will resonate louder with a person who takes information in better when communicated literally. Whereas a gift of flowers and a box of candy will resonate louder with another who takes information in better when communicated inferentially, this because the flowers and box of candy say to that person the words “I love you,” though in a different way.
In summary, it is important if not essential, in all forms of communication, to focus on and understand how the person with whom you are communicating is processing that which you are intending to communicate. Failing to do so will cloud casual communication; communication between friends; communication between spouses and partners; and even communication between therapists and their clients or patients.
Failing to understand what the listener hears, in terms of how they process what they hear, is what causes an individual who is trying to get a point across to walk away in frustration thinking “What doesn’t he or she understand? It’s like everything I’m saying is going in one ear and out the other!”
In conclusion, effective verbal communication relies on your being aware of how you are saying what you are saying, to best engage the suggestibility profile of the person with whom you are communicating.
Ending Thought:
Literal Communication and Inferred Communication represent two different ways people convey and interpret messages. Literal communication is direct and explicit in meaning. Whereas, inferred communication is indirect and implied in meaning. Understanding the differences between the two is essential if one’s goal is to meaningfully communicate effectively with the broadest swath of individuals.
NOTE: To accomplish this objective, I administer a questionnaire to my clients. Their scores help me to understand their information uptake profile. Thereafter, I alter my communication output to mirror their information uptake profile. This allows the gears of communication to turn smoothly, as is the case with the gears of a precession timepiece. Because hypnosis involves post hypnotic suggestions, I view their scores, as a reflection of their suggestibility.
